At about 23:30 yesterday I received a text…. Michael Jackson is dead!! And my heart stopped!! I cried…. I closed my eyes and I said a prayer for him (I’m still praying for him). Then it began to rain… it rained like it hasn’t in a while there was so much thunder and lightning… Even the heavens mourn your death Michael…
Michael Jackson is my first love… I remember when I was younger and I was asked to fill peoples autograph books/slam books under favourite musician Michael always made an appearance… people teased me cos it was only cool to like whoever was popular at the time…. But I was relentless…. Our relationship was like a marriage (a one sided one though lol) I stuck by him through richer and poorer, in sickness and in health through all the many molestation cases, and now in death! The only difference is death will not part us. Because he will forever be with me…. In my heart and on my I-pod….. We’ve lost a legend (in my eyes) whose music transcends every barrier (race, age, sex…) who doesn’t love Michael?
Rest in peace Michael, you maybe gone, but you are definitely not forgotten.
I continue to pray that God will have mercy on his soul…
So apparently i am allergic to cheap (depending on what your definition of cheap is) hair extensions.... it was my cousins traditional wedding a few weeks back and i decided to go for a "different" look.... big mistake it gave me a rash on my neck, ears..where ever was in constant contact with the synthetic hair... (mind you the pack reads 100% human hair and the sales girl swore that it was) so vecuten and hydrocortisone cream became constant companions until i could free myself from my "human" hair... this is just another thing to add to the list of reasons why i rarely (read almost never) have extensions...
why can't they banned okada men in lagos? after a trip to abuja my dislike for them has increased immensely... if i drove i would exhibit serious road rage!! infact i practise road rage from the back seat...
why do girls abandon their friends when there's a new guy on the horizon? and is it the same with guys?
i am learning how to tune people out while looking attentive and nodding... suddenly realized people talk too much. a lot of which is rubbish! and i am designated listener abi? hisss yesterday i was watching two talkative people trying to have a conversation...fecking hilarious... i was almost expecting it to end up in blows... each one fighting to get a word in.
Since when did i become resident agony aunt? i have people in nigeria and london offloading relationship baggage on me... its not that i don't like listening to your problems and giving advice or whatever.... it just becomes annoying when you call me 5 times a day, speak for hours (minimum 15 mins) and all you do is complain about ONE person... my ability to tune you out comes in handy... my advice is the same as yesterday, the same as a few hours ago... so its absolutely un-necessary to call me 24/7. during one of my many agony aunt sessions... my friend said his girl friend has never cried concerning their relationship (no matter what he does) so she must not love him!! i swear i almost died from laughter... why does the girl have to be the one doing the crying? i told him if he feels their relationship is lacking some tears seeing as he has the same 2 eye balls his girl has he can do the crying.... he said i am a goat.. i stand by my opinion :)
i passed church of satan a few days ago.... didn't know they had people who openly worshipped satan in nigeria...
Went to the palms last week...while going out with my trolley..strange girl looks my way and says to her friend so people actually come here to shop... i would hope so since its a SHOPPING MALL!!!
my moms boss wants me to marry his son...lol...
butterfly kixxes, Technicolour dreams
ps: i love June (its my birthday month) June babies are HOT!
“Don’t ever marry your first love….” This is a statement I heard a few days ago that I think will remain with me for a while. The lady who said this is a friend of my older brother…she uttered this statement on one of her visits to my mums office. She married her first love…he did her so so so wrong. Can you imagine living in the same house with some-one you loved…love and not speaking to each other. (She lives upstairs and he stays downstairs whilst the children shuffle around) This man calls her by the name of other females… is sleeping with one of her friends (probably more than one). This arrant lack of respect on both their paths has led her to come to the conclusion that the relationship cannot be salvaged and divorce is the only option. This caused me to think about my first “thing” (I’m not going to call it love cos I honestly don’t know) to say this boy showed me pepper is an understatement!!!! Funny thing is I didn’t even want to “go out” with this boy (lets call him Jake). We were friends but I never saw him as anything but that… but Jake was very persistent even getting people to talk to me on his behalf... Eventually I caved... for a while it was good… till it was bad….horrible infact this boy cheated on me ehn as in…even one of my friends that was putting in word on his behalf when I was resisting his advances was even one of his “conquests”. He would always come back…no matter where he went he always came back…he’d apologise, beg…I always caved I was in love… I had boys hollering at me from left right and centre (much better candidates sef) but it had to be him…he was all I saw...this boy was my first every thing…first kiss….first partner in body no be fire-wood activities, first break up, first….. It went on for so long…too long many more “friends” were conquered... More tears were shed... loads of apologies... it took all I had to let him go. But deep down I still haven’t completely… I think it’s because he was my first…or maybe I’m just a glutton for punishment… this leads me to a question that has been on my mind for a while: why can’t (most) women have sex without equating it with love? And are you really bound to your first partner in body no be fire wood activities? Cause if Jake popped up AGAIN and acted semi normal I am sure it would take a conscious effort not to fall back into that horrid cycle. The experience with my first wasn’t good neither was the lady’s… is this the norm? Is your first love your true one and only love & you both live happily ever after only in Disney cartoons and movies? Is it even right to call him my first love? did i even know what love was..is? is there an age limit on when one can fall in love? Is there any truth in the statement made by the lady or is she just a scorned woman spewing anger? Feck i need to stop...I may have just opened Pandora’s Box…. Not good for my idle mind….
He kissed me…I liked it…. He kissed me again…. I didn’t pull back. I liked it! I wanted more... I wanted to ask him to stay, I didn’t.
I also didn’t say anything about it (I think I was in shock?) I just let him go…. As I watched him drive off, my mind starts running in circles (could have given Kenyan sprinters a run for their money). Awhile later he calls to tell me he’s home… I still don’t say anything… neither does he!
The thing is for as long as I can remember we have had a very flirtatious relationship… so I don’t know if this is just a grown up version of a game we have been playing for about 10 years... I did ask him about it but I said it in a jokey way and he agreed it was a “special goodbye” and that’s where we left it. My friend thinks he likes me. But I don’t know if he does! And the shitty thing is I actually care if he does!!!!!
It’s almost like I have been jazzed cos dude has just refused to leave my head o!! I now even have to make a conscious decision not to call/text too much… which is really weird cos he’s one of my “cool” peeps. But the thing is the flirting hasn’t stopped or reduced; normally this isn’t a problem but since the tongue bashing incident everything has taken on a different form… and its driving me insane!!!
However I don’t know if I’m reacting this way only because I’m unsure of what’s going on…or if I really am just SPRUNG!!! Another issue is I honestly don’t know if taking our relationship across the line is the best thing…. I could gain a lover… but I could lose a friend… and I find it really hard to form such bonds with people so I cherish our friendship... but on the other hand what if taking it a step further is a plus and nothing is lost? What if it fucks things up?! I hate what ifs……
Question now is what do I do?
Monday, 11 May 2009
he walks through the door, a smile on his face...how far?....i smile...he says won't you give me a hug or aren't you happy to see me? if only he knew... i proceed to give him a hug. hug me well jo! he scolds i laugh as i hold him tighter... i am having dinner so we sit at the table..he takes the sit opposite mine...i can feel him watching me...i think nothing of it... we talk for hours about everything and nothing... at times i feel this energy this tension...i wonder does he feel it too? we are in my room...on the bed. joking and gisting. i am asking him questions (having come to the conclusion that men are aliens i needed to try and see some things from a male perspective..) he's too close..i stand up, push somethings around on the dresser and sit on the opposite side of the bed.. i wonder if he notices that i'm moving away..but i can't...i don't trust myself. what has always been harmless flirting seems to be taking on a different form on my path.. i cannot LIKE him!! thats not part of the plan!!! as he moves closer i realise i do.... how can it be?! when did i begin to see him differently? what do i do...... so begins this journey.
So I am now in the Mother-land! It’s been good (so far)… I have just been loafing around the place like a waste girl (said with a Jamaican accent) going to greet numerous people…some (read most) I don’t even remember so I just smile and nod…that tactic seems to be working fine so I’ll stick with it.
So as per usual tradition, there wasn’t light the day I arrived (that’s usual we even joke that they know we’ve returned and are just trying to speed up the re-acquaintance with Lagos). But its like these people where prepared for war cos there wasn’t light for a full week!! We ran the generator so much that I actually started to feel sorry for it :)
Even though I’ve been around for a couple of weeks I have only bothered to call 2 people to let them know I am around… I did play a game of whose number is still the same. So if I get really really bored (to the point of death) I’ll know how to reach them. Although at this point in my life I don’t think I have the time or energy for all the nonsense that will come with re-uniting with certain “friends”.
Since I’ve been back I’ve noticed what seems to be a trend…everyone is hooked up with someone…its so bad that I am even beginning to feel a BIT left out…
A guy friend came to see me….and dude is fire!! He’s always been “fine” but for some reason I found myself being attracted to him! Unfortunately or fortunately (depending on how you see it) nothing will ever happen… cos he has a girl friend (told you everyone is coupled down here) and I’ve known dude TOO long (plus he’s comfortable enough to blast (read shit) in my crib knowing that I can probably smell it!!!! So I’ll always be one of the “boys” which is cool…. I think…. But is it OK if he replaces the leading man in my dreams? Lol….
Nigeria (Lagos) should officially be the land of terrible customer service!! See sales people giving major attitude… it’s so bad its funny!! Anyway I guess hunger does a lot to one’s attitude (abi a hungry man is an angry man!)
I have started playing with lipsticks! I bought a RED one and I quite like the way it looks on me (at home lol…. It’ll make its debut soon). I am enjoying being chauffeured around but I think it might be time to learn how to drive. My parents definitely think so…but only God will save me from okada men (guys on motorcycles). At this point that’s on the back burner…
PS is this dude situation normal or even healthy?!!! HELP!!!!!
Song: Scared of lonely - beyonce
Saturday, 7 March 2009
So I am now in the new place. It’s much better than the old one, but right now there’s no internet, landline or heating!! Last night I thought I was going to die as in I went to bed layered!! (Thermal shirt and long johns, jeans, cardigan, thick robe and socks!) This new place has a pre-paid gas thingy; yesterday we put money in TWICE but the thing was just eating the money sha! If it was a human being I would have drop-kicked its ass!! I reckon the previous tenants didn’t settle their bills before leaving so the thing was using us to replace what those people used! Called the landlord today and he was just chatting rubbish and they’ll say Africans are crooks… abeg Asians can step up to us in 419 any day jo! If we load the card again and the same thing happens I am calling British gas immediately!! So I finally got round to watching Jenifa!! Lmao that movie was jokes o!! Its like, you know, as in, what’s up!!! Lol…. Even though I don’t understand Yoruba I was laughing like a bloody hyena! But one part of the movie I didn’t understand was when the girls who escaped the ritual killing came back to campuses (lol) how come they didn’t go looking for "big girl". Now if this was real I know that a witch hunt for big girl would have commenced no? Whatever sha…. I started "sorting" out my things yesterday because mumsy called and was like I have to courier my things before the 10th so I started since I had the day off…. Damn packing is not easy o! If I wanted to work out I would have hit the gym... It needs to be done sha; this is not the time to be upsetting Madre. I planning on using vacuum bags for my clothes and some bags but for the life of me how do I pack my shoes?! Bubble wrap comes to mind but that one is extra work men!! But I don’t want to bruise my babies…maybe I’ll have a packing party!! Any one wanna help?! I promise food and drinks :) So why is everyone on Beyonce’s titties about her choice of dress for the Oscars?! Abeg if it was anyone else they wouldn’t get that much shit flung her way… its her CHIOCE if you don’t like it change the channel, flip the page or close your eyes!! On Saturday I went to the Mac pro store. Normally I hate going into Mac because the makeup assistants (MUAs) are usually really unhelpful or plain rude (see wahala o! when it’s not as if the thing is free) however on Saturday I was served by two gay dudes and I can tell you that’s the BEST experience I’ve ever had in a Mac store before! The girls are usually really annoying…. So my question now is why are the girls so iffy whilst the dudes are darlings willing to answer even the dumbest questions? (I am a novice when it comes to make-up) the friend I went with thinks the girls probably see me as "competition" (Competition for what exactly please) shouldn’t they just do their jobs? It’s not like I am asking them to clean my ass or do anything not in their job descriptions... If anyone can shed any light on this please do because I’m really getting tired of all the agro females are giving each other!! (Like when all those about Gemma (I think she’s the new bond girl she was in St Trinians sha) being fat (I think the babe is a UK size 10) or having a double chin came out they were all written by WOMEN!! Shouldn’t we all love each other?!
