More than friends…

He kissed me…I liked it…. He kissed me again…. I didn’t pull back. I liked it! I wanted more... I wanted to ask him to stay, I didn’t.

I also didn’t say anything about it (I think I was in shock?) I just let him go…. As I watched him drive off, my mind starts running in circles (could have given Kenyan sprinters a run for their money). Awhile later he calls to tell me he’s home… I still don’t say anything… neither does he!

The thing is for as long as I can remember we have had a very flirtatious relationship… so I don’t know if this is just a grown up version of a game we have been playing for about 10 years... I did ask him about it but I said it in a jokey way and he agreed it was a “special goodbye” and that’s where we left it. My friend thinks he likes me. But I don’t know if he does! And the shitty thing is I actually care if he does!!!!!

It’s almost like I have been jazzed cos dude has just refused to leave my head o!! I now even have to make a conscious decision not to call/text too much… which is really weird cos he’s one of my “cool” peeps. But the thing is the flirting hasn’t stopped or reduced; normally this isn’t a problem but since the tongue bashing incident everything has taken on a different form… and its driving me insane!!!

However I don’t know if I’m reacting this way only because I’m unsure of what’s going on…or if I really am just SPRUNG!!!
Another issue is I honestly don’t know if taking our relationship across the line is the best thing…. I could gain a lover… but I could lose a friend… and I find it really hard to form such bonds with people so I cherish our friendship... but on the other hand what if taking it a step further is a plus and nothing is lost? What if it fucks things up?! I hate what ifs……


Question now is what do I do?